It’s amazing how eight weeks can seem like 4,838,400 seconds or just two months. What I mean is that depending on one’s perspective, eight weeks can either drag on or it can come and go in what seems like a blink of an eye. In these past eight weeks, I have been studying, taking multiple quizzes, recording video exams, and writing quite a lot for my Advanced Yoga Teacher Training (AYTT). After the first few weeks, I fell into a great rhythm in my AYTT: Studying Mondays through Fridays, averaging 5-7 hours per day, driving my daughter to and from work, teaching two virtual classes per week and meeting with my private clients via Zoom.
There even have been some days lately where I found myself getting ahead of the study schedule that I had planned out for myself. Being that this AYTT is a self-paced program where you can take up to 12 months to complete, I knew I didn’t have to rush through it, but I also knew that I had to put myself on a schedule in order to finish the program. I knew that without a committed structure, there was a possibility that I would be trying to cram the last 200 hours in month twelve. My goal was to complete the entire 300-hour program by mid-August since I homeschool my daughter from September to May. I am happy to say that as of today, I am about 2 1/2 weeks away from completing the program!
This week, I’ll be tackling five exams, or which three of them are video exams. I’m not someone who likes to be recorded. For a very long time, I’ve been asked by many students to create a YouTube channel and post online yoga classes. I avoided being recorded for a long time partly because I wasn’t sure if I can be consistent with producing content on a regular basis (which is why I started blogging weekly to prove to myself that I can consistently post something). I tend to be bit of a commitment-phobe. All my life, I believed that my character will always be to jump ship if something feels too permanent… but something changed.
After being married to my wonderful husband for almost 19 years and being an active member of the same church for the past 26 years, I seem to be doing better with long-term commitments. When it comes to big things, I feel like I’ve become more comfortable with making a commitment as I’ve gotten older. With age, I’ve also become more introspective, which led me to wonder why I spent so many years of my young adult life running away from commitment… and the answer that came to me was this:
We self-sabotage.
Why do we sabotage ourselves? I believe it’s because it feels safer for our hearts to set the bar low in case we fail. There’s a part of us that struggles to not listen to negative self-talk. We may base our decisions about the end results on past triggers or fears. When we do this, we’re basically writing then last sentence of our own stories. I have done this so many times in my life. When I was a professional dancer in Los Angeles in the 90’s, one of my actress friends wanted to set me up with a very well-known actor that she worked on a TV show with where he was one of the main characters. In fact, she showed him a picture of me, and he asked her to set us up. You would think that I would have jumped at the chance to go on a date with him (especially since he was my celebrity crush at that time), but I told her I was not interested in going out with him. The reason why I turn down the opportunity to go out with him is because when I was in 7th grade, my friend told me that my crush wanted to date me; but when I saw him by his locker that afternoon and smiled, he and his friends looked over at me and started laughing, saying things that were hurtful. So six years later, when my celebrity crush wanted to go out with me, I decided to write the last sentence of that chapter in the book of my life.
It is so easy to write that last sentence of each chapter of our lives. As an author, I usually consider the first sentence and the final sentence before writing because that keeps me focused and prevents me from going off on tangents. Just like how one sentence can make or break a book, the narrative you tell yourself can determine the outcome of whatever you’re trying to accomplish. So what do we do about this negative self-talk and self-sabotaging patterns? Rewrite your story. Rewrite that last sentence to affirm that you CAN accomplish your goals and dreams! In the beginning of my AYTT journey, I told myself that I was going to finish it by August, and I did not give myself a way out. I pushed myself to be disciplined and watch the Zoom lectures, do the Zoom yoga practices/meditations, read all the required books, answer all the questions, and record those exams… and now, I’m beginning to see the finish line! All it takes is a daily decision to say “No” to sabotaging yourself and saying “Yes” to experiencing all the wonderful potential that God has built within you!
Today is full of endless possibilities! Write yourself the best last sentence for today!
With Gratitude,
For example, I’ve been craving this vegan chocolate cake by Rubicon. The last time I had it was sometime last month. It’s rich, moist, and absolutely delicious. Even though I could very easily drive over to the nearest Sprouts to buy one, I don’t feel like I MUST have it. But what if I wanted this cake so bad but I didn’t have the money to buy it or I had no access to transportation or delivery service? What if I couldn’t have chocolate cakes even if it was vegan? What if everyone around me was having this delicious cake but no one was willing to give me any? Would I feel so deprived that I would become depressed? But then let’s say I got really sick last time I had a piece of chocolate cake. I may no longer desire chocolate cakes because I would remember how it made me feel the last time I had some. So next time I’m at a party where everyone is eating this chocolate cake, I won’t feel deprived; in fact, I may even experience a sense of aversion from even being around chocolate cakes. I know all this probably sounds ridiculous since we’re just talking about a chocolate cake, but this could be applied to anything that we once experienced or dreamed of.
Jheni Solis Wellness 