Dreams and Desires

I’ve known that I wanted to be a dancer since I was four years old.  Not the traditional Korean fan dancing that was so part of my culture in South Korea.  I wanted to be a one of those professional dancers that would dance behind pop singers.  I had rhythm, but I wasn’t by any means a natural-born dancer.  I took dance classes offered at my kindergarten, and I participated in dance performances in elementary school while I was living in Seoul.  When we moved to the United States (Los Angeles), I started taking ballet at a local dance studio.  I was a decent ballerina, but I was told by the director of the dance studio that I was not built for ballet (meaning, I wasn’t thin enough).  I was discouraged, but my stubborn streak kept me from giving up. 

After two years of ballet, I switched over to jazz dance.  This is also around the time when MTV actually stood for Music Television.  My bestfriend and I watched dance music videos for hours, trying to learn intricate choreographies performed by Michael Jackson, Janet Jackson, and Paula Abdul.  MTV and the T.V. Show Fame shaped my dreams to greater heights.  In high school and college, I took a lot of hip-hop and jazz dance classes at the renowned Millennium Dance Complex  in North Hollywood (formerly Moro Landis Dance Studio of Studio City).  Being surrounded by top choreographers and dancers of Hollywood influenced me to pursue the same life that they were leading: Auditions for gigs, acting classes, more dance classes, manager, agent… the whole nine yards.  By the time I was 19, I  felt like I was living my dreams; but there was still a part of me that felt void of true fulfillment… And that’s when I found Jesus.

When I became a baptized disciple of Christ on 3/15/94, I knew my true purpose in life for the very first time in my life.  My purpose was to share with others the Good News of Jesus and God’s amazing plan through His love, grace and mercy,  Although I still loved dancing, I found myself being led to have a different focus.  Since then, I have had several shifts in my dreams and passions, but none compares to the new dream He put on my heart a few years ago.  In 2019, I wrote my first book titled, “BE STILL: The Power of Biblical Meditation.”  Becoming an author is something I hoped would happen, but my insecurities and fear of being vulnerable stopped me in the past from writing past just a couple of pages.  But the reason I decided and was able to finish writing a book was because one day during my meditative communion with God, He told me that if I did not write the book, I would be disobeying Him.  So, I decided to obey Him and make the completion of my book 100% about obedience and 0% about me.  Ever since the publication of my book, He has been stirring in my heart in such an intense way that I’m driven to do only the things He desires for me to do.  In saying this, I must tell you that I’m no way near perfect at obeying Him and listening to Him all the time, but this is my deepest wish and dream. 

“Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart,”
Psalm 37:4 

So often, we read the above scripture and think, if I delight in Him, He will give me whatever I want.”  Through living the past 27 years walking in the Lord, the Holy Spirit has revealed to me that what this really means is that if I delight in Him (if I’m in love with Him and find joy in everything about Him), my desires will transform into the desires He has for my life.

Everyday, I tell God that I only want to pursue the dreams that are His dreams for me.  This may seem limiting to some people, but for me, I know that I would be settling and selling myself short if I pursued my dreams instead of His because my imagination and dreams are limited by my humanity; His imagination and dreams and totally unlimited!  He dreams for me things that scare me because I sometimes doubt myself.  But I take comfort and confidence in knowing that, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13)

With Gratitude,
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