Month: February 2021

friends, Lifestyle, Self Improvement, Self-Discovery

Things I Learned From My Bestfriends – Pt. 4

by JheniLeave a Comment on Things I Learned From My Bestfriends – Pt. 4

As the final part of my 4-part series about “Things I Learned from My Best Friends,” I am dedicating today’s blog to all of the guy best friends that I’ve had throughout my life; but before I introduce you to all of them, let me give you a little background of why I had so many guy best friends.
I was born into a familial generation of all boys. I have an older brother and, other than one older female cousin, all of my cousins – not counting 2nd or 3rd cousins – were boys. In the Korean tradition (at least when I was younger), your cousins are your best friends. So, whenever we had family gatherings, I was the only girl under the age 16. I got along with most of my cousins, so I became comfortable being the only girl in a group of many boys. Once I got over the socially awkward stage of being a pre-teen, I found myself gravitating toward guys for friendship once again.

High School

I met M.G. in my geometry class during my sophomore year. I immediately developed a crush on him for his good-looks, quiet nature and the fact that he was an athlete. I made it very obvious that I had a crush on him by writing him notes and always finding ways to talk to him or flirt with him. Being that he did not feel the same way towards me, I decided that I’d rather have him in my life as a friend than nothing at all… while secretly hoping that I could win him over. About a year into our friendship, our feeling for each other became mutual, and we officially became a couple in the beginning of our junior year. We dated until the end of our college freshman year, and although we tried to stay friends, we just couldn’t make it happen. I was sort of the wild child who preferred to go clubbing while he was the down-to-earth, “dinner and a movie” type of guy. We were each other’s first love, so we made a lot of mistakes… but I’m so grateful for the lessons I learned while he was in my life. One of the greatest things I learned from having M.G. as my best friend was appreciating the simpler things in life.

J.K. and I started hanging out toward the end of my sophomore year. We both attended summer school (He was taking a class to get ahead academically while I was there to re-take Geometry because I got a D; I guess I should’ve paid attention in class instead of staring at M.G. and writing him notes 😬), and we just somehow ended up in the same group that would hang out in between classes.  He was every girl’s confidant; but he wasn’t “friend-zoned” because of his looks or social skills.  In fact, he was quite good-looking and had a great personality.  (And he did have plenty of girls that had crushes on him; I just wasn’t one of them probably because I was hung up on M.G.)  He became the guy that I would always call to vent about all my boy drama, and he would patiently listen and — without being judgmental — give me great advice.  We still keep in touch, and it warms my heart to get a text message from him once in a while.  I will forever be grateful for having him as one of my high school best friends and for his example of being grounded and emotionally consistent.

College

I met J.C. shortly after I became a Christian in college.  We were part of the same campus ministry, and we became best friends instantly.  We talked about everything and anything, and I felt safe and secure in my friendship with him. Just like J.K., he was very emotionally stable, sweet, and a loyal friend.  Whenever I was feeling sad about anything, he would play his guitar for me… and from time to time, I was successful at getting him to sing for me too!  I felt very protective of him, so I became that friend who would approve or disapprove of any girl that he was interested in. (When he met his future wife, I was so happy for him because she is one of the few girls that I approved of for him!)  The word that comes to mind when I think of J.C. is faithfulness.  He is a faithful Christian through and through, and I’m so grateful that we had the friendship that we did.

After College

D.G. moved from our sister church in St. Louis to help strengthen the singles ministry in our church.  One of my first memories of him is when he asked me out on a date… which I turned down because I had a boyfriend at that time!  I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend a couple of months after, and during my time of healing, D.G. became my best friend.  He was wise, fun and a great listener.  We have experienced so much of our single lives together, and I was so happy to be the one to set him up with his (now) wife.  It’s been a few years since I have seen him and his family as they live several states away, but I know that if I picked up the phone to call him anytime, we would just pick up where we left off.  I learned many things in my friendship with D.G., but one word that pops up in my head is LOYALTY.

G.C. and I had been good friends since our college years, but it wasn’t until after college that we became best friends.  He and I shared in our goofiness, sense of humor, and our love of salsa dancing.  In fact, he is the one who taught me how to salsa dance in college!  At one point, we became co-workers which actually strained our friendship temporarily (because we were constantly getting on each others’ nerves).  But even through that challenging time, G.C. was there for me.  Being that he was wise beyond his years (and a few years older in age and as a Christian), he saw past the temporary annoyance and extended grace and mercy in our friendship.  I will always be grateful for his example of spiritual maturity… and teaching me how to salsa dance!

The final one on the list is Shawn.  He needs no abbreviations because he is my husband.  He is the perfect combination of all the good qualities in my previous guy best friends.  He is uncomplicated and values the simpler things in life.  He is emotionally consistent and grounded.  He is faithful in every way.  He is loyal.  He is spiritually mature… and he let me teach him how to salsa dance!  😊  I can go on forever about my husband who is truly my better half… but I will save that for a future blog!

As I end my 4-part series on best friendships, I can’t help but to feel grateful for having been blessed with some amazing people in my life who helped me change for the better!

With Gratitude,
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Christian, friends, Lifestyle, Self Improvement, Self-Discovery

Things I Learned From My Bestfriends – Pt. 3

by JheniLeave a Comment on Things I Learned From My Bestfriends – Pt. 3
“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.”
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

Last week, I mentioned that I went through a “dry spell” in best friendships during my 30’s.  There were several factors that contributed to my lack to bestfriends during that time: I was a new mom (I gave birth to my daughter when I was 30 years old) struggling through postpartum depression for months, and just as I was beginning to feel better, my dad passed away from lung cancer.

During my pregnancy, I was working full-time while taking my dad to chemotherapy, meeting with his oncology team (I was the translator at many of the appointments because my dad spoke limited English), and going to my own prenatal appointments.  These things filled up my schedule pretty quickly, and by the time I gave birth, I stopped making time for bestfriends.  By the time my mental health and emotional health improved, my husband, daughter and I had already moved out of California and had started building our new lives in Texas.  I lived in Texas for almost 10 years with a lot of great friends (including T.W. that I mentioned last week), but none of those friendships felt like the ones from my 20’s.  Even though I saw other women with their “ride or die” besties, I told myself that I probably wouldn’t have those types of best friendships as an adult… but that all changed when we moved to North Carolina.

We moved to Charlotte, North Carolina at the end of 2015 (you can read about the reason for our move here), and shortly afterwards, I met L.P.  L.P. was one of the moms that served in our middle school ministry in The Charlotte Church, and we bonded quickly.  She was (and still is) a drama teacher at a private Christian school, and I could tell right away that we were going to be really great friends.  Our first hangout was going to the Twenty One Pilots concert together.  Shortly after that, we made it a point to hang out as much as our schedules allowed.  Being that her younger son and my daughter became bestfriends also made it easy for us to spend time together.  L.P. is truly one of the most amazing women I have ever met.  She and I are both creative souls, but we’re opposites in many ways.  She has taught me how to be more compassionate and vulnerable, where I — according to her — have taught her how to have better boundaries in relationships.  We have made some wonderful trips together to Georgia, Tennessee, and California.  Although we now live over 1,000 miles away from each other, L.P. is someone I know will be my bestfriend for the rest of my life.  She has shown me that it is possible to have the kind of best friendship that I once had in my 20’s.

Another bestfriend I have in Charlotte is C.M.  C.M. and I have the kind of friendship where we don’t talk often; in fact, our keeping in touch averages about 45 minutes every other month… but when we do talk, it’s as if no time has passed between us.  She is never afraid to speak the truth in love to me, and I’m grateful that I can do the same with her.  I have learned to really push myself in loving people in spite of how they may treat me.  She is a woman who will love people with all her heart, not because of them but because of God’s love for her.

Now we come to 2021. My current bestfriend was one of my closest friends in my 20’s, but it wasn’t until my family and I moved back to Texas last year that our friendship became what it is today.  M.R. and I went to college together.  I have spent numerous nights at her house, and we have made many unsuccessful attempts to study together (they all ended in her falling asleep and me watching T.V.).  Even though we were close friends back then, I don’t think we really considered each other best friends because she had her circle of besties and I had my own circle of besties.  She and her family moved to Texas shortly after her second son was born, and once my family and I made the move to Texas in 2005, we tried to grow our friendship; but being that we were both moms to young child(ren) and lived about an hour away from each other, we found it a bit challenging to really invest in becoming bestfriends.  Fast-forward to today; we actually now live about 25 minutes away from each other, and her boys and my daughter are now grown… so this makes it much easier to spend time together.  I love how she is so down-to-earth, approachable and sincere.  I’m grateful that she and I share over 25 years of friendship and that God intended for us to be in each other’s lives for all this time — and for me to learn how to be a best friend as an adult — before M.R. and I became bestfriends.

One lesson I’ve learned as to why I didn’t have many best friends in my 30’s is because I didn’t know how to be the type of best friend that I longed to have.  I couldn’t have deep friendships because I closed off a huge part of my heart when my dad died.  Because I felt hurt by a lot of people that I felt weren’t there for me when I was grieving my dad,  I closed my heart from having vulnerable and deep friendships.  Of course, this is all in hindsight and I’m still working on these things, but I have been  seeing a huge shift in the quality and depth of my friendships because I am finally willing to open up and be vulnerable.

Next week, I will introduce you to all the guy best friends that I had and the impact they’ve had on me!

 

With Gratitude,
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Bible, Christian, friends, Lifestyle, Self Improvement, Self-Discovery

Things I Learned From My Bestfriends – Pt. 2

by Jheni1 Comment on Things I Learned From My Bestfriends – Pt. 2
“Sweet friendships refresh the soul and awaken our hearts with joy,
for good friends are like the anointing oil
that yields the fragrant incense of God’s presence.”
Proverbs 27:9

Last week, I started the four-part series on my best friends and the things I learned from each of them.  This week, I will continue the series by telling you about the best friends I had in my 20’s and 30’s.  I became a baptized Christian as a sophomore in college, so my social circle changed from people that I partied with and went to clubs with, to people who shared the same spiritual goals as me. Instead of filling my insecure heart with momentary pleasures, I filled my time with going to church, devotionals, studying the Bible with people, and hanging out with some amazing people who taught me the love of Christ.

I met F.E. through the girl that invited me to church.  I asked F.E. and a few other girls to study the Bible with me, to teach me what it meant to live a life of a disciple of Christ (aka Christian). The more open I became with F.E. and others about the “good, bad and the ugly” about myself, the more loved I felt by them because they accepted me and cared about me in spite of all the ungodly things I have done.  They also shared openly about their struggles which made me feel even more loved by them.  Even though all the girls that studied the Bible with me were amazing, F.E. and I just bonded in such a natural, sister-like way. She and I became the kind of friends that felt completely secure and safe with each other because there was no judgement, and there was nothing we didn’t talk about.  One of the many things I learned from her was that you can be cool and fabulous while living a life with spiritual boundaries and biblical convictions.  We remained best friends until she moved back to New York, which is where she was originally from.

I met my next two best friends, S.S. and T.R. when I was volunteering as a “Teen Ministry Worker” at my church’s Youth and Family Ministry.  They were both teenagers, so at first, our friendship was more of a Mentor-Mentee relationship, but once they graduated from high school, our friendships transformed into best friendships. S.S. and I spent a lot of time going to the beach, hanging out at the mall, and studying the Bible with people… and T.R. and I enjoyed going to concerts, and other live performances together as well as having late-night (and early morning) talks.  I was in both of their weddings (and they were in mine).  Life took us in different directions shortly after that, but one thing I learned from S.S. is to work hard to achieve goals, and from T.R., I learned the importance of a family bond. (She and her sisters — and their husbands — are still very close to their parents in distance and in heart.)

Once my husband and I entered the stage of being new parents, I went through a really tough time with post-partum depression and the loss of my dad to cancer.  It was also when we moved from California to Texas, so I struggled to connect with people on a spiritual level.  I met T.W. shortly after moving to Texas, and I told her that she was going to be my new best friend.  She was in the Singles Ministry at the church that I was now a part of (which is a sister-church to the one I attended in California), and I was encouraged to have someone in my life that made as much of an effort to spend time with me as I did.  (I found that a lot of my married friends were not as available to hang out as much as my single friend T.W. was.)  One of my favorite memories with T.W. was taking a girls’ trip to California together (along with another one of my single friends in Texas).  I loved introducing them to California and taking them to some of my favorite spots.  I’m so grateful I got to be in her life during her engagement, wedding, and the birth of her twin babies!  One thing I learned from my friendship with T.W. is loyalty.  T.W. is such a gentle soul with immense amount of loyalty to her friends, and that is exactly why God put her in my life when I was going through a hard time spiritually.

For most of my 30’s, I missed having the kind of friendships I did back in college and in my single days.  By the time I entered my 40’s, I convinced myself of the theory that I didn’t need those types of best friendships anymore because my husband was my best friend — he has been my best friend since 2000 — but I still missed having the kind of best friends that other ladies seemed to still have in their lives… and then I met her.  I met my next best friend in my early 40’s, and she proved my theory wrong!  You’ll get to meet her in my blog next week. 😉 

Also, if any of my guy best friends from the past are reading this and wondering why you have not been mentioned… I am dedicating an entire blog to you guys in Part 4 of my best friends series!  💜

 

With Gratitude,
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Lifestyle, Self Improvement, Self-Discovery, Uncategorized

Things I Learned From My Bestfriends – Pt. 1

by Jheni1 Comment on Things I Learned From My Bestfriends – Pt. 1

“Best Friend,” “Bestie,” “BFF”…  I have used all three terms to describe my best friends.  When I step back and evaluate my best friendships throughout the years, I can pinpoint many things I learned from them and how having them in my life — either for a season or more — allowed me to learn and grow in areas that I could not have otherwise.  So, let me introduce you to all my best friends throughout my life and the biggest thing I’ve learned from them (I’m only using their initials to identify them):

Pre-School to Early Elementary Years

S.L. and I both lived in an upper middle class neighborhood in South Korea, except she and her family rented the guestroom with an attached kitchenette from my neighbor across the street.  I never met her dad because I was told he worked overseas in Saudi Arabia, so as long as I can remember, it’s always been just her, her younger brother, and her mom who worked full-time.  S.L. and her brother liked to come over to my house because we had more space to play, and because my mom always made yummy snacks for all of us.  I remember being a total brat and bossing her around; Even though she would occasionally retaliate verbally, she usually just went along with whatever my bossiness demanded.  Looking back, I wish I was much nicer to her and her brother; but sadly, I knew I came from money and they didn’t, so there was a part of me that felt superior to them; but the one area I secretly admired her in was her ability to use a stove and cook meals at age 7.  I remember boiling water and making ramen on my own for the very first time at 9 years-old (just before moving to the U.S.), and I felt so proud that I was “cooking.”  When I moved to the U.S., we lost touch, but I never forgot about her.  She was always responsible and had a spirit of maturity about her, and I secretly admired her emotional stability at such a young age.  What I learned from S.L. is that you’re never too young to start preparing meals even if it’s just assisting by taking ingredients out for whoever is cooking.

Late Elementary to 9th Grade Years

I didn’t have many friends after moving to the U.S. until the end of my 4th grade year when C.H. and her family moved in to the same apartment complex where I was living.  C.H. was my age, and her sister M.H. was a year younger.  We became best friends pretty quickly, and I became a permanent fixture at their place.  Even after we both moved farther away from each other (into our own houses), I spent almost every weekend at their house, spending the night as much as I can.  C.H was more than just a friend to me; she (and M.H.) became like sisters I never had.  We took ballet classes at the same studio (although she and her sisters advanced quicker because they were just better ballerinas than I was), became frequent patrons at Northridge Fashion Center, and watched MTV when it really was Music Television with music videos on all day.  As much as I loved C.H. like a sister, I always had an inferior complex around her (are you seeing a pattern forming here?) because she was naturally thin, got great grades, everybody liked her (including boys that I liked), and she was so stylish.  I felt like the fat, dumb and ugly best friend because I often compared myself to her.  This was all on me because she treated me with kindness and never saw me as any of the negative things I saw myself as.  Our best friendship naturally drifted in such a beautiful, organic way.  There was no dramatic bestie-breakup; I started hanging out with a different crowd in high school, but we continued to love each other like sisters for many years to come.  In fact, we both attended each other’s weddings and we continue to keep in touch through social media and our annual Christmas photo cards.  One of many things I learned from my friendship with C.H. is her ability to see past physical attributes and see the beauty within people.

10th Grade to College Freshman Years

C.V. and I had been friends since 7th grade, but we became best friends in 10th grade through our love of dance.  We would choreograph dances together for fun and for the dance team that we eventually becoming co-captains of.  I wanted her to do every dance performance with me: She joined the professional Polynesian dance group that I had been a part of since 8th grade, and we eventually started auditioning for dance gigs together in Hollywood.  She pursued modeling while I pursued stage acting, but we always had dance in common.  After she moved to Indiana shortly after college, our lives took us in two different directions; but we still keep up with each others’ lives through social media.  In my best friendship with C.V., I learned how to be grounded even in the midst of pursuing a dream.

Well, this sums up my younger years.

Next week, I will introduce you to my best friends from college and the rest of my 20’s.  In the mean time, consider reaching out to your childhood best friends this week to say hi and catch up!  💜

 

With Gratitude,
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