Category: friends

friends, Lifestyle, Pandemic, Self Improvement, Travel

How to Plan a Simple Retreat

Featuredby JheniLeave a Comment on How to Plan a Simple Retreat

Last Thursday, my best friend Melina and I went to Fort Worth for an overnight retreat. We had tons of things planned for the 24 hours that we were going to be gone (The Stockyards, Fort Worth Botanic Garden, Sundance Square, and a long walk by the river), but our plans changed because IT WAS RAINING THE ENTIRE TIME! 😭 At first, we were a bit disappointed, but we quickly accepted it and decided to make the best of it… and we both realized that God was giving us exactly what we needed: A retreat to decompress, relax, and spend some quality time with God. It was such a simple trip, but it was a wonderful experience, so I wanted to share it with you.

Here are the steps to planning a simple retreat:

1. Invite at least one friend to join you.

Doing solo trips are okay, but when you plan a trip with others, it helps you to make this an actual event and not just “a thing you did” at one point in your life. I generally like to keep the number of people in even numbers so that no one feels like the third wheel. You can hand-pick the friends you would like to invite, and you can keep the invitation as casual as sending them a text message or if you have an artistic flair, you can create an invitation to give them. A great pandemic-friendly way to send out the invitation is through evite.
Melina and I made plans while we were having lunch, so the invitation was kept very casual for us.

2. Everyone should book their own rooms in the same hotel.

The simplest way to handle lodging for everyone is to have them book their own rooms. Most hotels offer group room block at a discounted rate, and this would be one of the very few coordinating tasks you would have to complete. Having everyone booking their own rooms also keeps it easier for everyone to practice social distance.
Initially, Melina and I were going to stay in the same room, but we decided that in order to stick to the point of our retreat, it would be best for us to stay in separate rooms (more on this in #3 below).

3. Everyone should decide what they’re going to do during their alone time.

This is so important. Let me say that again. THIS IS SO IMPORTANT. Because you and your friends may have different goals for this retreat, it is important to plan what you will do during this time. You can plan to read that book you’ve been trying to finish (which was my case), schedule a massage (most hotels will have recommendations if they don’t have an on-site spa service), sleep, exercise, go for a walk outside… the possibilities are endless!
For me, my plan was to unplug from social media, finish reading a book, exercise, and watch a short movie. If Melina and I shared a room, we would not have gotten anything done other than chatting the entire time. (which we both knew since that’s why we couldn’t study together in college!)

4. Eat all your meals together.

Since most people generally eat three meals a day, this will give you and your friends time to socialize for at least 3 hours each day. I recommend you block out 1-2 hours for each meal so that you can enjoy the times of bonding over delicious foods without feeling rushed. You can set an alarm on your phone or watch to go off 10-15 minutes before the planned time is over so that everyone could wrap up and get back to their personal retreats.
Melina and I had dinner at HG Sply Co. in Fort Worth (check out their menu here), breakfast at the hotel (take advantage of hotels with complimentary breakfast; since I have food restrictions, I brought my own dairy-free yogurt and almond milk to make sure I would have something to eat something for breakfast.), lunch at Jason’s Deli (I had the salad bar as usual), and we stopped to get some boba as dessert after lunch.

5. Plan one group event in the beginning or the end of the trip.

Doing a short group event before or after will allow the flow listed above in steps 1-4 above to not be disrupted. Additionally, if any of your friends can’t arrive on time or have to leave early, they will be able to still enjoy their alone time and the meal times with the rest of the group. To keep it pandemic-friendly, you can always plan an outdoor outing such as an arboretum, a farmer’s market, or even an outdoor yoga or workout session at a park. Since we couldn’t enjoy any of the outdoor activities, we stopped at a bookstore on our way back home. I know that doesn’t sound too exciting, but I can spend a whole day at a bookstore and be happy! 🤓

Lastly, be flexible! If things don’t go as planned (in our case, scattered thunderstorms), don’t stress over the changes and just go with the flow, reminding yourself that it’s going to be an opportunity to make great memories with your friends! 💖

With Gratitude,
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friends, Lifestyle, Self Improvement, Self-Discovery

Things I Learned From My Bestfriends – Pt. 4

by JheniLeave a Comment on Things I Learned From My Bestfriends – Pt. 4

As the final part of my 4-part series about “Things I Learned from My Best Friends,” I am dedicating today’s blog to all of the guy best friends that I’ve had throughout my life; but before I introduce you to all of them, let me give you a little background of why I had so many guy best friends.
I was born into a familial generation of all boys. I have an older brother and, other than one older female cousin, all of my cousins – not counting 2nd or 3rd cousins – were boys. In the Korean tradition (at least when I was younger), your cousins are your best friends. So, whenever we had family gatherings, I was the only girl under the age 16. I got along with most of my cousins, so I became comfortable being the only girl in a group of many boys. Once I got over the socially awkward stage of being a pre-teen, I found myself gravitating toward guys for friendship once again.

High School

I met M.G. in my geometry class during my sophomore year. I immediately developed a crush on him for his good-looks, quiet nature and the fact that he was an athlete. I made it very obvious that I had a crush on him by writing him notes and always finding ways to talk to him or flirt with him. Being that he did not feel the same way towards me, I decided that I’d rather have him in my life as a friend than nothing at all… while secretly hoping that I could win him over. About a year into our friendship, our feeling for each other became mutual, and we officially became a couple in the beginning of our junior year. We dated until the end of our college freshman year, and although we tried to stay friends, we just couldn’t make it happen. I was sort of the wild child who preferred to go clubbing while he was the down-to-earth, “dinner and a movie” type of guy. We were each other’s first love, so we made a lot of mistakes… but I’m so grateful for the lessons I learned while he was in my life. One of the greatest things I learned from having M.G. as my best friend was appreciating the simpler things in life.

J.K. and I started hanging out toward the end of my sophomore year. We both attended summer school (He was taking a class to get ahead academically while I was there to re-take Geometry because I got a D; I guess I should’ve paid attention in class instead of staring at M.G. and writing him notes 😬), and we just somehow ended up in the same group that would hang out in between classes.  He was every girl’s confidant; but he wasn’t “friend-zoned” because of his looks or social skills.  In fact, he was quite good-looking and had a great personality.  (And he did have plenty of girls that had crushes on him; I just wasn’t one of them probably because I was hung up on M.G.)  He became the guy that I would always call to vent about all my boy drama, and he would patiently listen and — without being judgmental — give me great advice.  We still keep in touch, and it warms my heart to get a text message from him once in a while.  I will forever be grateful for having him as one of my high school best friends and for his example of being grounded and emotionally consistent.

College

I met J.C. shortly after I became a Christian in college.  We were part of the same campus ministry, and we became best friends instantly.  We talked about everything and anything, and I felt safe and secure in my friendship with him. Just like J.K., he was very emotionally stable, sweet, and a loyal friend.  Whenever I was feeling sad about anything, he would play his guitar for me… and from time to time, I was successful at getting him to sing for me too!  I felt very protective of him, so I became that friend who would approve or disapprove of any girl that he was interested in. (When he met his future wife, I was so happy for him because she is one of the few girls that I approved of for him!)  The word that comes to mind when I think of J.C. is faithfulness.  He is a faithful Christian through and through, and I’m so grateful that we had the friendship that we did.

After College

D.G. moved from our sister church in St. Louis to help strengthen the singles ministry in our church.  One of my first memories of him is when he asked me out on a date… which I turned down because I had a boyfriend at that time!  I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend a couple of months after, and during my time of healing, D.G. became my best friend.  He was wise, fun and a great listener.  We have experienced so much of our single lives together, and I was so happy to be the one to set him up with his (now) wife.  It’s been a few years since I have seen him and his family as they live several states away, but I know that if I picked up the phone to call him anytime, we would just pick up where we left off.  I learned many things in my friendship with D.G., but one word that pops up in my head is LOYALTY.

G.C. and I had been good friends since our college years, but it wasn’t until after college that we became best friends.  He and I shared in our goofiness, sense of humor, and our love of salsa dancing.  In fact, he is the one who taught me how to salsa dance in college!  At one point, we became co-workers which actually strained our friendship temporarily (because we were constantly getting on each others’ nerves).  But even through that challenging time, G.C. was there for me.  Being that he was wise beyond his years (and a few years older in age and as a Christian), he saw past the temporary annoyance and extended grace and mercy in our friendship.  I will always be grateful for his example of spiritual maturity… and teaching me how to salsa dance!

The final one on the list is Shawn.  He needs no abbreviations because he is my husband.  He is the perfect combination of all the good qualities in my previous guy best friends.  He is uncomplicated and values the simpler things in life.  He is emotionally consistent and grounded.  He is faithful in every way.  He is loyal.  He is spiritually mature… and he let me teach him how to salsa dance!  😊  I can go on forever about my husband who is truly my better half… but I will save that for a future blog!

As I end my 4-part series on best friendships, I can’t help but to feel grateful for having been blessed with some amazing people in my life who helped me change for the better!

With Gratitude,
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Things I Learned From My Bestfriends – Pt. 3

by JheniLeave a Comment on Things I Learned From My Bestfriends – Pt. 3
“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.”
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

Last week, I mentioned that I went through a “dry spell” in best friendships during my 30’s.  There were several factors that contributed to my lack to bestfriends during that time: I was a new mom (I gave birth to my daughter when I was 30 years old) struggling through postpartum depression for months, and just as I was beginning to feel better, my dad passed away from lung cancer.

During my pregnancy, I was working full-time while taking my dad to chemotherapy, meeting with his oncology team (I was the translator at many of the appointments because my dad spoke limited English), and going to my own prenatal appointments.  These things filled up my schedule pretty quickly, and by the time I gave birth, I stopped making time for bestfriends.  By the time my mental health and emotional health improved, my husband, daughter and I had already moved out of California and had started building our new lives in Texas.  I lived in Texas for almost 10 years with a lot of great friends (including T.W. that I mentioned last week), but none of those friendships felt like the ones from my 20’s.  Even though I saw other women with their “ride or die” besties, I told myself that I probably wouldn’t have those types of best friendships as an adult… but that all changed when we moved to North Carolina.

We moved to Charlotte, North Carolina at the end of 2015 (you can read about the reason for our move here), and shortly afterwards, I met L.P.  L.P. was one of the moms that served in our middle school ministry in The Charlotte Church, and we bonded quickly.  She was (and still is) a drama teacher at a private Christian school, and I could tell right away that we were going to be really great friends.  Our first hangout was going to the Twenty One Pilots concert together.  Shortly after that, we made it a point to hang out as much as our schedules allowed.  Being that her younger son and my daughter became bestfriends also made it easy for us to spend time together.  L.P. is truly one of the most amazing women I have ever met.  She and I are both creative souls, but we’re opposites in many ways.  She has taught me how to be more compassionate and vulnerable, where I — according to her — have taught her how to have better boundaries in relationships.  We have made some wonderful trips together to Georgia, Tennessee, and California.  Although we now live over 1,000 miles away from each other, L.P. is someone I know will be my bestfriend for the rest of my life.  She has shown me that it is possible to have the kind of best friendship that I once had in my 20’s.

Another bestfriend I have in Charlotte is C.M.  C.M. and I have the kind of friendship where we don’t talk often; in fact, our keeping in touch averages about 45 minutes every other month… but when we do talk, it’s as if no time has passed between us.  She is never afraid to speak the truth in love to me, and I’m grateful that I can do the same with her.  I have learned to really push myself in loving people in spite of how they may treat me.  She is a woman who will love people with all her heart, not because of them but because of God’s love for her.

Now we come to 2021. My current bestfriend was one of my closest friends in my 20’s, but it wasn’t until my family and I moved back to Texas last year that our friendship became what it is today.  M.R. and I went to college together.  I have spent numerous nights at her house, and we have made many unsuccessful attempts to study together (they all ended in her falling asleep and me watching T.V.).  Even though we were close friends back then, I don’t think we really considered each other best friends because she had her circle of besties and I had my own circle of besties.  She and her family moved to Texas shortly after her second son was born, and once my family and I made the move to Texas in 2005, we tried to grow our friendship; but being that we were both moms to young child(ren) and lived about an hour away from each other, we found it a bit challenging to really invest in becoming bestfriends.  Fast-forward to today; we actually now live about 25 minutes away from each other, and her boys and my daughter are now grown… so this makes it much easier to spend time together.  I love how she is so down-to-earth, approachable and sincere.  I’m grateful that she and I share over 25 years of friendship and that God intended for us to be in each other’s lives for all this time — and for me to learn how to be a best friend as an adult — before M.R. and I became bestfriends.

One lesson I’ve learned as to why I didn’t have many best friends in my 30’s is because I didn’t know how to be the type of best friend that I longed to have.  I couldn’t have deep friendships because I closed off a huge part of my heart when my dad died.  Because I felt hurt by a lot of people that I felt weren’t there for me when I was grieving my dad,  I closed my heart from having vulnerable and deep friendships.  Of course, this is all in hindsight and I’m still working on these things, but I have been  seeing a huge shift in the quality and depth of my friendships because I am finally willing to open up and be vulnerable.

Next week, I will introduce you to all the guy best friends that I had and the impact they’ve had on me!

 

With Gratitude,
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Things I Learned From My Bestfriends – Pt. 2

by Jheni1 Comment on Things I Learned From My Bestfriends – Pt. 2
“Sweet friendships refresh the soul and awaken our hearts with joy,
for good friends are like the anointing oil
that yields the fragrant incense of God’s presence.”
Proverbs 27:9

Last week, I started the four-part series on my best friends and the things I learned from each of them.  This week, I will continue the series by telling you about the best friends I had in my 20’s and 30’s.  I became a baptized Christian as a sophomore in college, so my social circle changed from people that I partied with and went to clubs with, to people who shared the same spiritual goals as me. Instead of filling my insecure heart with momentary pleasures, I filled my time with going to church, devotionals, studying the Bible with people, and hanging out with some amazing people who taught me the love of Christ.

I met F.E. through the girl that invited me to church.  I asked F.E. and a few other girls to study the Bible with me, to teach me what it meant to live a life of a disciple of Christ (aka Christian). The more open I became with F.E. and others about the “good, bad and the ugly” about myself, the more loved I felt by them because they accepted me and cared about me in spite of all the ungodly things I have done.  They also shared openly about their struggles which made me feel even more loved by them.  Even though all the girls that studied the Bible with me were amazing, F.E. and I just bonded in such a natural, sister-like way. She and I became the kind of friends that felt completely secure and safe with each other because there was no judgement, and there was nothing we didn’t talk about.  One of the many things I learned from her was that you can be cool and fabulous while living a life with spiritual boundaries and biblical convictions.  We remained best friends until she moved back to New York, which is where she was originally from.

I met my next two best friends, S.S. and T.R. when I was volunteering as a “Teen Ministry Worker” at my church’s Youth and Family Ministry.  They were both teenagers, so at first, our friendship was more of a Mentor-Mentee relationship, but once they graduated from high school, our friendships transformed into best friendships. S.S. and I spent a lot of time going to the beach, hanging out at the mall, and studying the Bible with people… and T.R. and I enjoyed going to concerts, and other live performances together as well as having late-night (and early morning) talks.  I was in both of their weddings (and they were in mine).  Life took us in different directions shortly after that, but one thing I learned from S.S. is to work hard to achieve goals, and from T.R., I learned the importance of a family bond. (She and her sisters — and their husbands — are still very close to their parents in distance and in heart.)

Once my husband and I entered the stage of being new parents, I went through a really tough time with post-partum depression and the loss of my dad to cancer.  It was also when we moved from California to Texas, so I struggled to connect with people on a spiritual level.  I met T.W. shortly after moving to Texas, and I told her that she was going to be my new best friend.  She was in the Singles Ministry at the church that I was now a part of (which is a sister-church to the one I attended in California), and I was encouraged to have someone in my life that made as much of an effort to spend time with me as I did.  (I found that a lot of my married friends were not as available to hang out as much as my single friend T.W. was.)  One of my favorite memories with T.W. was taking a girls’ trip to California together (along with another one of my single friends in Texas).  I loved introducing them to California and taking them to some of my favorite spots.  I’m so grateful I got to be in her life during her engagement, wedding, and the birth of her twin babies!  One thing I learned from my friendship with T.W. is loyalty.  T.W. is such a gentle soul with immense amount of loyalty to her friends, and that is exactly why God put her in my life when I was going through a hard time spiritually.

For most of my 30’s, I missed having the kind of friendships I did back in college and in my single days.  By the time I entered my 40’s, I convinced myself of the theory that I didn’t need those types of best friendships anymore because my husband was my best friend — he has been my best friend since 2000 — but I still missed having the kind of best friends that other ladies seemed to still have in their lives… and then I met her.  I met my next best friend in my early 40’s, and she proved my theory wrong!  You’ll get to meet her in my blog next week. 😉 

Also, if any of my guy best friends from the past are reading this and wondering why you have not been mentioned… I am dedicating an entire blog to you guys in Part 4 of my best friends series!  💜

 

With Gratitude,
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