Today is October 11, 2019. It’s been almost FOUR YEARS since I’ve posted a blog. In the beginning on 2016, I wrote a blog titled, “What a Difference a Year Makes, Pt. 2” (Part 1 was written and posted on 8/12/15). In these posts, I did a short recap on my life since the last time I posted. Each of these “recap posts” ended with an intention (to myself) to post regularly; however, I did not follow through in 2015 or in 2016. Throughout the months and years in between, I battled feeling like a failure. In the back of my mind, I thought that I was just too lazy to have the discipline to do this; but I recently realized that I was wrong.
As long as I can remember, I struggled with self-doubt. Growing up in Los Angeles, there was always someone prettier/smarter/funnier/more talented than me. The Korean Culture that I grew up in was (and is still) filled with comparisons to someone prettier/smarter/funnier/more talented. I thought as an adult, I had “grown out” of this, but unfortunately, self-doubt isn’t something you just grow out of like a pair of shoes. It is something you have to tackle with full intention.
I recently wrote and self-published a book called, “Be Still: The Power of Biblical Meditation.” It is a book filled with breathing techniques, biblical meditation techniques (audio links to the techniques are included), scriptural yoga practice, stories from my life as well as the lives of others (Chapter 5 contains stories from brave souls who have used biblical meditation as one of the ways to overcome daily stress, child abuse, divorce, remarriage, etc.). It was such a wonderful experience, but it forced parts of my self-doubt to surface over and over again.
One of the biggest things I had to overcome was the self-doubt of authenticity. The common question I battled regularly during that time was, “Am I qualified to write this book?” According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary, the word qualified is defined as, “fitted (as by training or experience) for a given purpose.
Qualified: (adj.) fitted (as by training or experience) for a given purpose
So I had to ask myself, “Am I fit — by training and experience — to write this book?” I knew the answer was YES! Through years of training in and experiencing Yoga, Ayurveda, Meditation and Energy Science as well as biblically living out what I learned at the feet of some amazing Bible Teachers and Ministers, I knew I was fit by training and experience.
Writing this book was therapeutic and so needed. I feel that I have grown in my vulnerability through the things I wrote about myself which allows me to live a more authentic life.
As I end this post, I am setting the intention within myself to blog more often with unapologetic authenticity.
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